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The Silent Treatment

Blue
My blog is making me tense.

Mostly because I haven't been writing in it very much, which is mostly because I barely have enough time to comb my hair these days. But, having something -- like a blog -- and only doing it half-assedly makes me feel like a failure. My perfectionist nature bristles each day this blog languishes.

I need to find a way to make some peace with this. I am a mother of a 14-month old. I have a (more than) full-time job. I have a husband that I enjoy spending time with. I have house that I want to work on. I have offline things that I want to do. Which means that I may not always have time to blog. Hell, that's is why -- despite my friend's urging -- I can't get into Second Life -- because I can't get a handle on my freaking first life.

I think perhaps I also feel bad because it's not like I don't have anything to say. I have a lot to say -- in fact, I have a running list of crap I'd like to write about. Things I love (Bollywood), things I hate, things that get on my nerves, books I'm reading (Snow Flower and the Secret Fan? Awesome. Neil Gaiman? I unexpectedly love him.), hilarious things my baby does (oh, where to begin?), and did I mention things I hate?

So, here's the question -- am I tense because:
- I'm a perfectionist and it bothers me that my blog is "imperfect" because I'm not updating it very much?
- It's yet another responsibility that I feel burdened by and can't keep up with?
- I'm growing weary of my electronic tether and the fact that I spent the majority of my day in front of either my iMac @ home or my MacBook Pro @ work?
- It's important to me and I feel like I have things I want to say, but don't have the time or energy to devote to it?

It's probably all of those things. I'm certainly conflicted by my deep love of technology and the Internets and my irritation at how much time I spend on my ass in front of a glowing monitor instead of doing things out in the world (though I suppose it's somewhat better than passively consuming television. Somewhat.).

I wonder if it would work to treat this like a weekly column, and set aside one day of the week on which I commit to writing something. And if that doesn't work, I guess there's always micro-blogging via Twitter...

Posted April 10, 2007 10:54 PM | On This Day: 2004 2003 2002

 

5 Comments

I think a weekly column would be terrific. It would take the pressure off of you, I'd still get to read your stories, I wouldn't be deprived of your writing, and the "assignment" approach would appeal to that part of you that likes things to be all lined up and neatly stacked.

I know what you mean about feeling like so much of your day is in front of the screen, but for me it's been really good to have an outlet that "forces" me to do something creative. Otherwise, time just slips away as I go through life making breakfast, buying groceries, working and doing laundry.

Out of the.. lemme go back and count.. four possible reasons you give for Blog Induced Tension (BITâ„¢), I'd say "yes" to all four, because those are spot-on.

I'd prolly make a couple additions to them, but I'd hate to add to your tension...

Also, don't fall into the Twitter Trap. It's just one more way to make yourself feel bad. You think trying to maintain a blog is hard, wait until you start stressing out because you're not "updating" Twitter every 36 seconds with what you're doing at That Very Moment. Ugh.

How can you make a reply like that and then NOT give me your Twitter ID?! Ugh.

I think the weekly update is a great idea. I love reading about what you guys are up to way over on the other end of the country.

I understand perfectly how you feel, I get that same sensation all the time too and it is frustrating, you just wish you had like 68 hours in the day to be able to do all the stuff you want to do. I think the idea of setting aside a day and a couple of hours to post would be a great idea. I came here from your twitter where your last post is "leaving twitter". Why did you leave it? It's fun and there really is no need to update as frequently as some people do. Oh and by the way, your daughter is a real cutie, the trick with her hands was adorable. I wish you the best.