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The Surreal Life


Why am I still awake? I should be sleeping.

Life feels weird right now.

Is this what it feels like to be a grownup? I feel like I'm in some sort of adjustment period. Maybe transition is a better word for it. Transitioning into married life, motherhood, my thirties...all while trying not to lose who I am. Maybe becoming who I am? And I sure hope she's got more inside her head than a grocery list!

I love the domestic side of my life. Really. I love my husband. I love being married. I love my job. And I superspecially love my baby. But, it's a strange feeling to suddenly have no time for anything else -- no time for myself. I run like a well-oiled machine these days: wake up, change baby, feed baby, dress baby, take shower, dress self, go to work, pump the milk, pick up baby, feed baby, feed self, go to bed. Repeat. On weekends: attempt to clean up house, do laundry, go to family stuff. Next thing you know a whole week is gone and I haven't even found the time to file the fingernail that broke off a few days ago. This from the perfectly-manicured girl of yore!

This too shall pass, I know. And it's not that I'm complaining -- just observing a very odd little pocket of time in my life. Like nothing I've ever experienced before.

Posted June 13, 2006 11:41 PM

 

8 Comments

I think you can now appreciate your Mother and your aunt's erratic behavior. You need to eek out time for yourself whenever you can get it -- even if it means a long weekend in Fridley.

I think you can now appreciate your Mother and your aunt's erratic behavior. Add a couple more kids and you'll really understand that open bottle on the counter.

It is really weird. I don't know how long it continues, but according to my experience, it gets worse with the arrival of child two and continues at least 3.5 years (probably more but that's all the farther we are so far). I didn't have any time to myself until we hired a cleaning lady and a nanny. Does that make me "that kind of mom?" Maybe. But at least I'm finally "that kind of mom" who doesn't have wet hair everyday.

I was feeling the same way, recently. Only minus the whole husband/baby/family stuff. But my NAILS, man, they need some manicuring.

It is a shock; you're not exaggerating. Having humans and a household and employer dependent on you is a little like being a server carrying a 30-pound tray of full glasses, some of them flaming.

Manicure my what now?

Her employer doesn't depend on her.

(Sshhhhhh. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt.)

What you are feeling is what happens in life. Women have a bond with their children that is so much more intense than what the father feels. Motherhood has a profound effect on us. Nothing matters more then to raise this child as best as you can. Your time for yourself will slowly start to show itself. But in the meantime, enjoy what is going on now.

Wanted to say something profound, but I think I failed miserably.

Anyway, just wanted to say hey.