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drunk dialing

In my drunken hands
the telephone is a dangerous thing
A weapon of mass destruction
capable of dialing long distance
ex-boyfriends using only my thumb
The phone seduces my alcohol-addled mind
convincing me that everyone wants to hear
my voice at 2am
The numbers come too easily
I can do it with my eyes closed
Fingertips tapping out codes just by feel
Five above eight, nine down and a little to the right
It always feels like such a good idea, this call
this, this is not a booty call this is
I just called...you know, like Stevie Wonder, this is
oh, dear god I'm singing Stevie Wonder, this is
I still know your phone number by heart
By heart! All the alcohol of a Saturday
night can't erase the numbers that spell
your name, your voice, your face
but it can erase that girl you dated
while we were still together, it can eradicate
the speech I made on your front porch, remember?
about how I was never going to talk to you again
and you better take a good look buddy
because this is the last time you'll see this face around here
and it's like history never happened
I've forgotten that you used up the last digit in my
I-can-count-on-one-hand-the-people-I've-slept-with statistic
and it wasn't even worth it in the end --
simply an anti-climactic Conclusion
to an extended game of cat-and-mouse,
and even with a prefix
I hesitate to put the word climactic
in the same sentence
as that experience
But I shouldn't be surprised --
given the chance you never fail to disappoint
I can chalk up every encounter we've ever had
to being in the wrong place at the wrong time,
to not having my feet on the ground
a head on my shoulders
a brain in my head
My top 5 biggest mistakes all involve you
But right now, I can't even remember the time
I waited until after you shut the door, to cry,
so that I could maintain some semblance of pride,
which now is swiftly shifting beneath my feet
because if there's one thing I'm not
when I'm drunk and on the phone with you at 2am...it's proud.
But seriously, you wanna come over?

Posted December 12, 2002 5:34 PM | On This Day: 2006