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My Personal Ad

I want a man that laughs with me
so hard that he blows
hot coffee and snot
out of his nose
in the passenger seat of my car
while I chant
out the nose, out the nose!

I will ask him to keep a toothbrush at my house
and three clean shirts in my closet

In fifty years, I want him to blush and
cover his face with his hands
whenever I give him that look
that makes him blush and
cover his face with his hands

I'm going to borrow all of his sweaters
and return them to him only after my breasts
have stretched cup marks in the front
and he doesn't want to wear them any more
because now they're all pouchy

I will never become immune
to the smell of his shirt collar
or the top of his head, or his
waxy left ear on a Monday morning
which I take the time to smell
even though I am late
for work

On days when I ask if there's any
way he could please
please please
take a sick day with me
I want the answer to be yes
so we can lay in the grass
by the lake on a blanket
he on his back
me on my stomach
silent except for
the sound of me
whining that i'm thirsty

In the kitchen, I will see
how many grapes I can fit into
my mouth while he looks on,
slightly horrified

I want us to live together.

I want to go to Disneyland
and Las Vegas
wearing shirts that say I'm With Stupid

kiss on street corners
and get in the way of people
trying to take pictures
go on a cruise just for the buffet

at the base of tall buildings
holding hands and looking up
until we're so dizzy we fall down
and block the paths of businessmen

I'm going to laugh when he pokes my stomach
play his butt like a bongo drum
and swim naked at midnight

He will paint my toenails red
and his mother will like me

I want there never to be
a dull moment and when I die
I want him to know that
nothing was left unsaid

I want to say only
that if I felt it, I spoke it

if I felt it, I spoke it
and I never wondered what if

I would have asked
him to keep three clean shirts
and a toothbrush at my house?

Posted November 6, 2002 11:26 PM | On This Day: 2006 2005