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Old Man Wilker

I'm a big fan of birthdays. I just love that everyone gets one day for themselves - their own personal holiday. Well, everyone except Jehovah's Witnesses, but that's just more cake for the rest of us.

Certain birthdays are more important than others: 1 (it's your first!), 5 (you're ready for Kindergarten!), 10 (you're in the double-digits!), 13 (you're a teenager!), 18 (you can gamble, smoke and buy porn!), 21 (hangovers are now legal!), 30 (you're old!), 35 (you're old!), 40 (you're old!), 50 (you're Oprah!), 55 (you can get the AARP magazine!).

So, yesterday was Jeremy's 35th (he's old!), and I wanted it to be really special. He's one of those, "Birthdays are no big deal," people. Pshaw, I say! Pshaw!

When it's my birthday, I leave nothing to chance: I plan the whole thing myself. But, I could see that I would need to do the planning for Mr. No-big-deal or this birthday was going to be bo-ring. So, I spent a while planning it all out. First, I hyped him for weeks on how I got him the coolest gift. Then, about a week ago, I started priming him to think I had a big meeting yesterday so that he wouldn't be suspicious about me not going to work right away in the morning.

On the big day, we slept in till about 7:45am (on a workday, that's major sleeping in at our house), then I got up and make him fried eggs and toast. On the table was his gift: two swank new Gene Meyer shirts, professionally wrapped courtesy of Marshall Field's. After breakfast, he went to work and I set my plan in motion.

First, I went to the party store to pick up the balloon bouquet I had ordered last weekend. Then I went to Lund's to pick up two pies and some lactose-free ice cream. Then I went back home to pick up some Lactaid when I realized that the pies were made with tons of butter. I took all the goodies to Jeremy's work, where I enlisted his co-workers in helping me with the surprise. We ambushed him at his desk with balloons and singing, then I served pie and ice cream to all his co-workers. I tried to look extra cute so his co-workers wouldn't think he was marrying a washed-up hag.

For the rest of the day, I worked from home which allowed me to execute the rest of my plan: fresh-baked cookies when he got home. I was even wearing an apron when he walked in the door - full June Cleaver effect. Meanwhile, he's still thinking that all he got for his birthday was a couple of lousy shirts. Little does he know.

At 7pm, I took him to dinner at Kincaid's, where the waiter brought his final surprise with dessert (I had dropped it off at the restaurant earlier in the day): a 40GB iPod with his name laser engraved on the back.

Apart from when I ran full-on into a metal post at his office while trying to hide behind the balloons, everything went off without a hitch. And I was actually able to keep my trap shut and not ruin the surprise! Utterly shocking. Operation Old Man went perfectly - mission accomplished.

Now, on to this whole wedding thing.

Posted October 7, 2004 6:48 AM | On This Day: 2003 2002



Dude! That's so awesome. He must think you are the best ever. Actually, I know he does. He emailed me to say how great you are. Glad it all went smoothly.

wow. You're setting him up for serious disappointment after you get over this pre-nuptial infatuation thing. heh. Seriously, that's some incredible birthday planning.

You've known me for almost 22 years now, and you've never done anything cool for MY birthday. Bitch.