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Tonight on Fox: When Nerds Attack!

I recently had the following email exchange with my brother.

This should illustrate, in a rather glaring way, what dorks we are:

Austin:
My managers took me out to lunch at Zelo. Damn good food. I had an Amelie moment when I got to coyly put my finger in my mouth, shirking my chin to my sholder -- hold my spoon aloof -- and then crack my creme brule.

Me:
I think you mean "shrugging your shoulder to your chin" and holding your spoon "aloft."

Nice work, copywriter.

Austin:
No, actually I meant exactly what I said. You see, one can 'shirk away from something,' so, in my shyness, I shirked my chin to my shoulder as if to avoid some unpleasantness that might befall it. An illogical fear, yes, but I shirk nonetheless. And as for holding my spoon 'aloof' it is to have the double meaning of holding it high (since Webster's defines it as such: removed or distant either physically or emotionally), and also to convey the pretentiousness of Amelie's world. One that is fairly-tale-esque in its form. For she is, in a word, perfect.

So, back the fuuck off, bea-naa-chha. I know what I mean when I say it. Just cause you have no artistic imagination is no fault of mine.

Me:
You can shirk AWAY from something, but you said you shirked TO something -- namely, your chin to your shoulder.

Regarding aloof: since Webster's adverbial definition is simply, "at a distance" I am willing to accept your argument on that point.

One for me, one for you.

Austin:
It's a verb you moron, you can shirk in any fuucking direction you want!!!! Damn, you're dumb. Just stop!! You're beginning to look like an idiot!

Me:
Okay short bus, let me break it down for you: you used the verb in its transitive sense, meaning to avoid or to evade (see below, from m-w.com). How the HELL do you avoid or evade TOWARD something? It makes no bloody sense no matter how much "artistic imagination" you use.

Main Entry: shirk
Pronunciation: 'sh&rk
Function: verb
Etymology: origin unknown
Date: 1681
intransitive senses
1 : to go stealthily : SNEAK
2 : to evade the performance of an obligation
transitive senses : AVOID, EVADE
- shirkˇer noun

Austin:
I can already since [your] need to get the last word on this, to not accept my retort as valid. Biitch.

Me:
The brilliant writer strikes again!

He can "since" my next move!

Austin:
I give up. I'm leavening.

Posted May 2, 2003 8:43 AM

 

9 Comments

LOL - I love his long-winded artistic diatribe, then his retort, "So, back the fuuck off, bea-naa-chha".

That post is hilarious.

Alright, now I'm leavening, too.

Wow...he's a top-flight wordsmith, I tell ya! NOT (bet you haven't heard that in a while). I guess I'll be leavening too.

I have a family of nerds.

Poor Nora...

OMFG...I'm still laughing..

This sounds like dinner at my house growing up. My mom taught music, but was one of those double major weenies. In addition to a double major in brass and orchestral music, she also got one in English Lit. (So I suppose technically, she would be considered a triple major weenie, but I digress.)
We learned how to diagram a sentence almost as soon as we could write. Made for some real geeky dinner arguments I can tell you...In fact, I still have my 3rd grade "What I did for summer" essay. I keep it because it has 2 grades on it. The first, an A+ from my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Hershburger, the 2nd, a C- from my mom. The funny thing is, that there are more red pencil edit marks on the pages than there are of my own lead pencil ones.........

Thanks for the delightful post.

you are funny as hell -oh and your little brother too.

Heh. I wish immigrants could have such elevated email correspondance within the family. But no. Instead, I get "Hasan, it is your mothers birthday today. Why have you forsaken our culture?".

Maybe I'll just write back with the words to Barrett's Privateers.

Hrm...this was originally meant as a response to your post, but...well, shit happens.

Huh? What he's levitating - what's leavening? Ha ha. Gotta love it. That was cute.

You suck!