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Oh-La-La Baby

Tonight's Yoga class included some disturbing developments.

1. The class is no longer taught by the tiny waif girl with the soothing voice. It is now taught by Jordy. Jordy the large, fake-baked, hairless, gay instructor who used the following instructions during another class I took recently, "Okay ladies, we're going to bring it down...two...three and then POP! back up." First of all, I hate the word "lady" in all its forms. Second, I don't POP! anywhere.

2. Jordy goes from forward fold to lunge to plank. Doesn't he know I like to go from forward fold to lunge to downward dog? Do not fuck with my sun salutation, Jord-oh.

3. Jordy likes to add things to poses that "work our calves." Dude, my calves are fine. My calves are the one part of me that don't jiggle. Focus on the jiggle, Jordy! Leave my calves alone.

4. During cooldown, Jordy's "Now That's What I Call Yoga Mix" (as I'm sure he would call it if he ever released it on a CD at Target) included Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful." To add to my disturbance, I was touched by the song. I was laying there thinking, "I am beautiful! Words won't bring me down!" And then I felt bad for referring to Christina on varying occaisions as a "skanky ass dirty hoe bag."

Posted April 30, 2003 10:35 PM | On This Day: 2002

 

6 Comments

This line sums it all up: Do not fuck with my sun salutation.

Priceless.

Don't feel bad Meg...Among other things, Yoga is a about truth..and
Christina IS a "skanky ass dirty hoe bag." The fact that occasionally she sings something real does not change this..... ;-)

The other thing you are missing is that now YOU can be the one in class that they refer to as "tiny waif girl"

interesting... my wife went to yoga class on wednesday and she described the instructor as a handsome, beefy male with head full of luscious curly hair. either one of you was high or you went to two different places which is improbable because i saw you in that gym on several occasions... i am puzzled :))

well, he's beefy all right. we just must have different taste in men. ;)

i didn't see your wife, or i would have said hi. but i got there right before class started and the lights were dim.

oh, and tell her the monday class is better. jordy's version of "yoga" is lame.

I thought the porpose of yoga was to be open to the different types of yoga.. and that everyone will find the yoga that is right for them, that it is a personal path..

no. no. the point is for everyone to only like what i like. everything else is utter crap.