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Wisdom from an Eagle

I talked to Toby last night. We haven't spoken much since National Poetry Slam for various and sundry reasons, which I won't get into here. I had to call him to talk business (he does the SASE website, I'm on the board), but we drifted quickly into talking about lots of other things. It was nice. It made me remember that I miss him (despite the weird dynamic that is almost always present between exes).

He's a unique individual, one who is not afraid to tell me that I'm full of shit or doing something stupid. In fact, beyond being "not afraid" I'd say he almost revels in it. He seems to think that everyone else in my life stands around clapping for everything I do, like new parents cheering every time their baby drools. He enjoys being a heckler in my audience. Of course, this quality makes me want to strangle him with my bare hands sometimes, but overall it's good to have someone like that around. The point is, that we both said we were sorry and made up. Forgiveness: giving and receiving, feels good.

On a related note, a few weeks ago I really offended a friend of a friend named Andrew. Again, I won't torture you with details, but the gist is that I sometimes (okay, often) speak before I think. Sometimes what's funny to me is not to other people, and all-too-often my humor involves clever little jibes at other people (which sometimes just pisses them off). You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now, but apparently I'm not that smart.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago (after I pissed him off) I was with my friend and Andrew called. He wanted my friend to meet him at a bar, but as soon as he heard I was in the car he changed his mind. At that moment I realized just how pissed off he really was at me. Part of me thinks, "Ah well, you can't win 'em all." But the other part of me thinks that I hurt someone's feelings and I should really say, "I'm sorry." Whether he chooses to accept the apology or not is another story, but at least I made the effort. So, seeing as he avoids my presence, I thought maybe I would write him a letter and get his address from my friend. That way I could give the apology but he wouldn't have to see me.

Then, this morning, I went to the coffee shop for my morning sauce, and he was there. Sitting in the smoking section talking to someone that was out of my view. I didn't go over; it didn't seem like the right place or time. But, it felt like a sign.

It's like Don Henley says: I think it's about / forgiveness, forgiveness / even if, even if / you don't love me anymore

Posted November 5, 2002 11:10 AM | On This Day: 2003



I can't believe not one single person has ripped on me for quoting Don fucking Henley.

No one ripped on you because well, I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness, even if, even if we don't love you any more.