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This has to be one

This has to be one of the creepiest employment ads I've ever seen:

"MARKETING Community Director/ Event Coordinator CPDC, developer of New Small Town Neighborhoods, seeks enthusiastic individual to coordinate community communications and event calendars. Life in our neighborhoods is more than homes and streets, it's the opportunity to partake in broader civic activities with folks you live around. The position of Community Director plans and implements daily events appealing to a variety of age groups and activities, coordinates information on our internet, is the editor of the community newsletter, manages the resident directories, and acts as a concierge extending to local businesses and government. Position requires friendly, outgoing personality, strong writing skills and interpersonal relations. Compensation commensurate to experience."

Okay, so let me get this straight: my job would be to develop a fake sense of "community" by planning neighborhood events for people. Why? Because of course, they're too busy to do the whole "neighborly" thing on their own and goodness knows people can't be trusted to develop relationships with their neighbors on their own in the same way kids can't be trusted to organize their own neighborhood baseball games which is why we have Little League.

And where do these people live? Oh, they live in a New Small Town Neighborhood.

Where can I find one of these New Small Town Neighborhoods (tm)? Why, simply drive 1-2 hours away from the urban center; our NSTN's are right where the wetlands used to be!

And where do I send my resume for this job? Why, Mirage Advertising! That's right, as if you didn't already regard advertisers as total liars -- we've just come right out to tell you that what we create is a mirage. A complete and total fake! And what's our slogan? I'm so glad you asked. Our slogan is, "Deliberate Advertising, Deliberate Marketing, Deliberate Results!" And don't forget...deliberate New Small Town Neighborhoods! For when you want that small town feeling, but with strip malls real close by.

See ya'll soon!

P.S. Please note the use of the words "our internet" in this ad. Apparently, in addition to the New Small Town Neighborhood, they also own the internet. Who knew?!

Posted July 21, 2002 11:50 PM



Lordy! It’s the thought of a MARKETING Community Director/ Event Coordinator CPDC snooping around my 'hood that makes me glad I got me a .45 on the nightstand.

Oh how this job description reeks of the rich SOB's from 'Roger and Me'. "There's plenty to do around here! Golf and golf and charity drives and golf. . . "

My favorite part was: "acts as a concierge extending to local businesses and government" Like, you're going to hold the door for them, or what?

I would like to hire you to write as me for my blog. Please make me exciting and fun and even a little cute. I would like to wear skinny jeans. And I want the dudes chasing after me at warp (ed) speed.Please apply within.

Hello from Iowa! I found a place with internet access. If you want to email me, get me at mwkohout, and the server is yahoo.com....Anyways, I think this job would suck, and you'd end up being a activities coordinator at some rich-as-fuck lakeside condo deal, but I still think those things asking me if I'd take off my close in front of cameras or leering pervs would be worse. In fact, considering they'd be creeped out, as well as myself, it could be twice as creepy.my ass hurts alot. buh byekohout

Mike, I just signed you up to the "Cricket Lovers Anonymous" mailing list, enjoy!As for the posting, I don't believe it exists. Even if you show me concrete proof that it does, I will close my eyes, cover my ears, and repeat "NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH" loudly until the voices go away.(p.s. what does that job pay, and can you send me the contact info?)

ser: i'm getting sick and fucking tired of seeing "under reconstruction" on your homepage. put down the everquest and make yerself a damn site. and then help me some more with my poetry page.*smooch*

you can go to www.seretogis.org/words/poetry to see some of my sub-par poetry if you are anxious :P

I think ser needs to listen to some happier music.