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This isn't so much a
This isn't so much a poem I wrote, as a poem I assembled. Found poetry. A poetry collage. I picked these words and phrases out of an instant message conversation thread.
*****
my aim is true
call me darling i can see
your face on the highway driving
across the country dakota you
montana you idaho you are there
with your big shoes and your big
excuses for fucking up call me
darling darling darling please
break the rules in three
languages only one of which
i comprehend at 2:00am remember
the feel of my lips and tongue
against your teeth warm
like kahlua and christmas
a shot of morphine
all at once i guess
you left an impression rich
with contradictions you know
a person by how they carry
themselves and you know
i think about you
rather alot i remember this
and that was me
giving you away
Super technique!! Learn more!http://spress.de/author/burroughs/Texts/Essays/Cutup.htm
Oooops!http://spress.de/author/burroughs/Texts/Essays/Cutup.htm
What a pity that I have nothing to give you exceptthe nails of my fingers, or eyelashes, or pianos melted by love,or dreams which pour from my heart in torrents,dreams covered with dust, which gallop like black riders,dreams full of velocities and misfortunes.[...]Come to my soul dressed in white, with a branchof bleeding roses and goblets of ashes,come with an apple and a horse,for there is a dark room with a broken candelabra,a few twisted chairs waiting for winter,and a dead dove, with a number.Pablo Neruda
Footman, you should at least post the title of the poem. ;)"Ode With a Lament"I love Neruda's odes... but oh yeah, the poem at hand!I liked it very much, but for the title, which reminded me too distinctly of that stupid song by Elvis Costello where he sings that line over and over. I generally think you can use a cleche in a poem, but not as the title... even with the pun it didn't do it for me. (and you know how I like puns.)Other than the title though, I was seriously very impressed. I think this is one of the better ones you've posted, at least lately.
Grid: Thanks dude. Yeah, I totally agree with you. The reason I didn't post the title is because I too think it sucks and it detracts from an otherwise perfect work. Although, to be fair to Neruda, we should probably bear in mind that the poem was written in Spanish in 1935 Oda con un lamento. So maybe what sounds lame to us might have rocked in the original time, language, and culture?
So, the poem went over very well at the Seattle Slam. I made it clear that it was an "assembled, found" poem from someone in Minneapolis. Perhaps the title should be (drumroll, please...)My YIM is TruePeace
what is "very well?"what kind of scores we talkin' here?